Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in uselessbutfun's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006
11:48 pm	no fucking shit i didnt want you to go. we just got into a fight. i was about to tell you everything everything that was wrong with me. everything wrong with us. everything i love and needed to be fixed and said and you left. then i cried. i have never cried over a man so much in my life. i dont even know how i feel about you right not. and it doesnt fucking matter. i wish i could take a sleeping pill but i asked you to come over tonight when youre done being a prick and theres a slight chance you wont get drunk off your fucking ass and actually remember that. fuck it (Comment on this)
Friday, April 21st, 2006
11:13 am	i have a problem. i keep reading heathers journal and shes talking about she got to spend time with mary and talked for hours about all sorts of stuff. i used to be able to talk to mary for hours too. i miss her. i feel really abandoned, since she seems to have cut all her old friends off. even kaley. i dont understand and i guess thats what eating away at me. i say i dont care but i care about everything so thats a bold face lie. maybe im just desperate for friends. i miss the old group. i miss angie. i cant wait for the summer. except angie will be living in gainseville. :( blah. my parents are driving up this afternoon and i get to move back home tomorrow :) im excited. i miss my beach and my boyfriend and my sun shoppe. im mostly looking forward to spending a week in the keys with matt. i hope this is a very exciting and happy summer. i think im getting sick. blah again. i hope not cuz im working sun-tuesday and i need to be able to breathe and not sneeze all over ppl's food. ralph are you coming home this weekend or are you waitig till after exams? last weekend was fun when we dragged your ass to the beach. i miss all the fun you bring. i just dont know how i live with out you :P Current Mood: sneezing (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 30th, 2006
12:53 am	i cant sleep!!! ive been lying in bed the past couple nights wishing for sleep for hours. its driving me crazy. im watching cheaters now. it just reminds me that im the scum of the earth. what the hell did i ever do that for. ugh. moving on. im thrilled to pieces that i get to drop the math class that im failing. THRILLED. ive been so upset about it ruining my gpa when i dont even need the class to graduate.ugh. im watching the nanny. i freaking love fran and maxwell. i love when he calls her darling. aww. frans pergnant but she still has the teeniest waist. god i wish i were that hot. id even take her voice if i got to have her body. pathetic lol. i cant wait to go home this weekend. i get to see matt and he feels better and yey i love him. and i get to see my aunt who i miss soooo much. and we're having a garage sale. woot. then im working. then driving back to school. not so woot. i keep trying to convince sarah to bring her car back to school. does that make me a bad person. i also have been fighting with myself all evening if i should try and talk to kathi. been weighing the pros and cons and i have to admit there are about 7X more cons but my conscience keeps saying everyone deserves new chances and all that good person crap. gah. well im off to lay in bed. hugs kisses and groping to all Current Mood: in love (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 25th, 2006
5:05 pm	today i woke up actually happy. last night i was in such a bad mood for wahtever billion and one reasons so i just threw on a pair of jeans and shoes and left my dorm. i had no idea where i was going but halfway down monroe i figured sarah and rachel were still at stetsons so i called them and took their not answering as a yes. i found a parking spot about a block away and paid to linedance. yey? i found the girls and we attempted some of the stupid dances but we only really got one down. but the drunks got in our way lol. matt and ralph called and i tried to talk to them but i couldnt hear anything which was sad cuz i waited all damn day for him to want to talk to me. i couldnt tell if he was mad or not when i picked up tho. oh well. we had a good time acting like morons and singing awful music. i hope rachel doesnt think i actually like country music now. ick. ac/dc came on and i was so excited cuz they remind me matt everytime i hear any of their songs. but this fat redneck came up and started dancing with me and he was drunk and wouldnt stop touching us. ick! he wouldnt go away so we decided to just call it a night around 130 i think it was. i called matt while i walked back to my car but he sounds tired and not happy so i went home by myself in kind of a better mood and smelling like barsmoke. ew. this afternoon i went to walgreens with sarah and then we had to take rachel to thagard cuz shes uber-sick. we spent most of the day in the waiting room then we went to the diner and ate lunch and waited some more. a pretty boring day and i still havent heard from matt, which is understandable cuz hes at all that orientation shite. but i need to ask him about our summer vacation to the keys cuz we need to put down a deposit pretty soon. maybe he'll actually call me today. oh yeah happy six month anniversary to us. maybe thats why im in such a good mood today. cuz im so freaking in love and really cant stop smiling. i told sarah all these awesome (well i thought they were great) stories about us from last 4th of july. awesomeness. :) Current Mood: in love (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, March 24th, 2006
9:16 pm	all i can do is keep writing on this fucking site about how shitty i feel. im sick and in horrible pain. and im pissed at matt. only cuz i miss him and he hasnt called me at all today and isnt answering his phone. and cuz i emailed him asking him to call me tonight so i could sleep. i cant even describe how i feel tonight. i want to go back over to sarah and rachels but they wanna go out and i just want someones company so i dont feel like shit. once again, pathetic. i'll just go drown myself in an hour long shower. good night. (Comment on this)
3:04 pm	its a problem when i cant wait for monday to quickly roll around so i can go to class from 8 till 5. my 'friday' was wednesday this week, and since then ive been having quite a shit weekend. i failed my math test. well i got a 62% so nearly failed but might as well have. i spent a ton of money. and had stomach problems all evening yesterday. today i woke up at 10, waited for matt to call but he never did. dropped off my letter begging my merchandising teacher to give me credit for things he forgot about. died my bangs. that didnt work. you cant even tell. $8 well wasted. read my new novel but that only gave me a headache cuz i didnt want to wear my glasses. matt still hasnt called and i can pretty much deduce that he wont until tomorrow evening. i did talk to him last night for about 15 min. last night sucked. weird dreams too. autographs from tom welling and burning rituals with kathi. right brain. fuck you too. rachels sleeping. sarahs out with her crazy cousin. matts in tampa. ralphs busy cuz matts probably there already. angies home. crystals in tampa. im stuck sitting on my bed with my window open freezing my ass off cuz my a/c is broken and i cant stand to have stale air in here. i wish there was somewhere for me to go or something to do., its too cold to rollerblade. its too cold to go to the gulf. im not quite pathetic enuff to go to the movies alone. i have no more money to shop with. if i go home i'll have even less money. and sarah and rachel will be mad at me. then i'll just be bored at home wishing i were in tampa. i wanted to hang out in tampa last night and this afternoon but ralph was too busy. understandable. i just want someone to spend time with tho. i am way more lonely that a 19 year old chick at fsu should ever be. is it summer yet? 36 more days. agh. i hate mad tv. i could go on venting for the rest of today but thats really getting me no closer to being occupied. even as i write all this i feel like i could actually be having fun today. somehow. we'll never know tho cuz im probably not getting out of this bed or leaving this fucking dorm room until tomorrow afternoon. did anyone really read that? doubt it. Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 23rd, 2006
11:59 pm	so im having like the shittiest day ever. matt called and woke me up this morning and that was great and i was all happy and i love and miss him. then i took a wonderfully warm shower (usually i have to leave the water running for 10 min and then i get a hot then cold then hot then cold again shower.) so yey for that. then i started cleaning out my closet. then i got a headache. so i laid in bed and watched tv. well tv apparently is not a cure-all, the headache got worse and then i got a stomach ache. so i stayed in bed watching 'Dr 90210' until 2 then 'whos wedding is it anyway' until 5:30. an interesting mix lemme tell ya. i got outta bed and went to the mall cuz shopping usually makes me feel better and i figured id feel better if i went out and woke up. ((my suitemate is warming up her voice via opera-type singing...ANNOYING. just a little side note)) after shopping and spending more money that i have i started to get stomach cramps. then my whole torso started to hurt. pain was shooting from my stomach, around my back and up into my chest. i was basically doubled over in a dressing room stall trying to be able to breathe again. so i pretty much took off and went home. i was incredibly lonely so i agreed to go with sarah to the diner for dinner. i sat and stared at my chicken strips and fries because i was afraid to eat anything. we talked all night and it was fun, i just had to keep scrunching over to keep from crying out in pain. it was pretty shitty. i went home and crawled in bed and called matt, forgetting he had a big test until about 9 tonight. i cried a lot today. i watched tv until i called matt back at 1030 or so. we tried to talk but i was in such a bad mood and i kept crying for some reason. he never noticed that of course cuz hes a guy and they just cant pick up on subtle things i guess. i got off the phone and called him back a little later. then i was grumpy cuz i told him i was coming home next weekend and he didnt seem to care. and i had to keep repeating myself cuz i was mumbling to keep the fact that i was still crying a secret and that frustrated me. needless to say he didnt want to be talking to me and i really didnt want to tell him what i was upset about. which is, by the way, the fact that i drive home almost every weekend to see him for only a few hours a night. im way too needy i think. but i cant help the way i am, the fact that i get lonely, or upset cuz i just spent all the time and money and he is at work every single day im home. and i cant help that im really upset that he, twice, told him he would come up here during his spring break, and both times forgot he ever mentioned it. that really hurt my feelings. and i cant really be mad at him because he has work and he needs to work and blah blah blah im an irrational girl ok. i just want my boyfriends attention and time. anyways hes supposed to call me back before he goes to bed but i think he might 'forget' so he doesnt have to deal with me tonight. i also dont think i'll hear from him this weekend while hes in tampa. its really hard for me to go to sleep without saying goodnight at least. i hope my body doesnt try to explode again tomorrow. or it does. whichever but it better make up its mind. i was not happy today and ive been so happy the past couple days. am i going back into that phase where i wont let myself have a good life? am i going to sabitage this relationship too? ive gotten good at that, and this one i really dont want to fuck up. god ive got issues. i wish i were sleeping (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 19th, 2006
1:05 pm	thanks for this heather im putting off studying and cleaning. THINGS YOU HATE 1. headaches 2. not having a job and therefore any money 3. getting yelled at 4. when matt tries to make me jealous 5. dwelling on the past 5 THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND 1. matt 2. myself 3. why things are so expensive 4. people who only talk to me when they need something 5. racists 5 THINGS ON YOUR DESK 1. bowl of cereal 2. pens 3. cell phone 4. printer 5. a billion pieces of paper 5 THINGS YOUR DOING RIGHT NOW 1. answering this survey 2. watching the style network 3. laying in bed 4. suffering from a headache 5. trying to convince myself to start studying 5 NEGATIVE THINGS ABOUT YOU 1. i am never satisfied 2. im way too much of a procrastinator 3. i have NO self confidence 4. im clingy and needy 5. i dont tell people when im mad at them 5 POSITIVE THINGS ABOUT YOU 1. i have gorgeous eyes 2. i am hilarious 3. i am not freakishly tall 4. i usually put other peoples feelings in front of my own 5. i care about what people say and feel 5 THINGS YOU PLAN TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE 1. get married 2. have a kid or two 3. own a store/boutique 4. see europe 5. stay as long as possible in hawaii 5 THINGS YOU CAN'T DO 1. lose weight 2. backflips 3. say what i really wanna say 4. whistle 5. the live long a prosper star trek finger thing 5 THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT TURN YOU OFF 1. wayyyy to cocky 2. lying 3. not having a delicious looking stomach 4. smoking 5. i dont tolerate bad kissers 5 FAVORITE MOVIES 1. pirates of the carribean 2. ALL of the harry potters 3. princess bride 4. the breakfast club 5. ferris buellers day off 5 PEOPLE CURRENTLY ON YOUR BAD SIDE 1. kimmy the slut 2. my idiot suitemates 3. the guys who had the bday party outside my door last night 4. a friend who never calls 5. heather cuz shes just too damn hot and really needs to cut it out ;) 5 THINGS YOU ARE SCARED OF 1. being alone in the dark 2. hornets or other things with stingers 3. screwing up 4. failing classes 5. drunk men/rapists 10 CURRENTS Clothes- teeny white T and red PJ pants Shoes- none Hair- down and messy Smell- deodorant Location- in bed Taste- frosted flakes Want- matt to randomly show up a few days earlier than planned Book- nothing but the text book im supposed to be studying Need- to fucking wake up Noise- TV 4 BANDS YOU COULDN'T LIVE WITHOUT 1. greenday 2. anberlin 3. fall out boy 4. coheed and cambria PEOPLE THAT HAVE INFLUENCED YOUR LIFE THE MOST 1. my parents 2. ME i make my own choices based on what i feel is right not what other people believe. so there. Current Mood: sleepy (Comment on this)
Saturday, February 18th, 2006
4:19 pm	johari? http://kevan.org/johari?name=uselessbutfun (Comment on this)
Friday, January 27th, 2006
8:51 pm	happy i feel so good we skipped the gym again today. that made me really upset. i did about 20,000 crunches tho so its alright now. we're going to bajas later. should be thrilling. matt called, hes kinda upset cuz he has nothing to do other than work and school. i wish i had work to keep me busy. we're different like that i guess. we kinda argued over him coming up here but its ok now. i want everyone to know that everyone is mediocre and he is over average... lmao i spent a lot of money this week. idiot. i'll stop. i have some hw to do. i have to redo a product logo but i have no idea which logo to do. if you have any ideas please let me know. PLEASE. well im off to sit around until i get the phone call to leave. good night and good bye. Current Mood: crazy in love (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 21st, 2006
1:06 am	i gave away my last dollar to a man in rouge and a corsette. (said in a british accent of course) yeah we went to a drag show tonight. it was hilarious. a bit confusing. alissa was a goddess... hmmm. nevermind. its fucking hot in my room. sarahs sleeping over shes on the phone with matt. talking about fucking in the library. and his crush on rachel. idiot. :) Current Mood: in love (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 11th, 2006
5:37 pm	well atleast im not.....nevermind so im still not having the time of my life. i thought id meet a bunch of new friends in my new classes but all of my classes are lecture halls and theyre huge. my small class is pretty neat tho. we all hung out for a while and chatted. i feel like a huge loser. the guys here dont even say hi to me everytime they see me. theyre jerks anyways but it sucks still. eric still talks to me and kyle sometimes says something stupid. enuff of my pathetic bitching. i was gonna go look for a job today but after five AWFUL classes today i am completely burnt out. i'll drive up there tomorrow. i should start on my hw tonight. im still not unpacked my room is disgusting i'll do it tomorrow haha im so pathetic. (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 5th, 2006
7:15 pm	im home but im leaving so ive been home for almost a month now. my mom whined that i didnt have to leave again when she saw me packing today. i dont want to go. but i do. but i wish i could do what im doing there only here home. next weekend is a long weekend MLK day, monday the 16th i might be coming home or matt might be coming up which i doubt. but we're gonna have to talk about that. because i come home all the time for him. almost every weekend. and he needs to start sacrificing five hours of his day to drive to me. that would make me feel special. knowing i wouldnt have to wait around all day while hes at work till 8 or 9 or 10 and maybe stay over later than 11 some nights. oooo. anyways. we're going to ibar tonight im stoked. im gonna go buy a camera for tonight. get some interesting photos. :) big smiles. im sad everyones leaving tomorrow. well everyone meaning angie and liz and joe i had a good time with them all even tho i flaked out a couple times. whatever. it was fun. <3 (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 29th, 2005
12:00 am	dramatic sigh i just dont ever feel like doing stuff anymore. i missed hanging out with the girls cuz i had made a list of errands to do the night before and was determined to get it finished. i still have to clean the bathroom and clean my room tho. humph. worked today. very boring. matt came in for a few seconds. i wish he had stayed longer i miss him all day while hes at work. im gonna be screwed when i go back to school and cant see him for another month. maybe we'll go see disturbed on valentines day. i'll probably get my ass kicked tho. awesome really wanted to go to Ibar tonight. sarah doesnt feel well tho. i was really only hoping to go so id have something to do while i wasnt able to sleep. i bought some sleeping pills today tho i cant wait to try em out tonight. WOOOOH well im off. i miss ralph. come home. you rat bastard. gotta pick my brother up from the sluts house later too. yey. if he touches her, and believe me i'll know, im gonna yell at him. she is nasty. anyone who smokes pot + sleeps with adam + bleaches her hair all fried-like = skanky ho who needs to stay away from my brother or i'll shave her fucking head ugh! ok bye for real this time. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 20th, 2005
5:33 pm	stolen 1. WHO'S BED DID YOU SLEEP IN LAST NIGHT? matts for a bit then mine 2. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? aqua 3. DID YOU MAKE OUT WITH ANYONE YESTERDAY? oh yes, god bless the trains on pineda/wickham :) 4. DO YOU HAVE "A THING" FOR ANYONE RIGHT NOW? sort of yeah 5. HOW MANY PEOPLE ON YOUR LJ DO YOU KNOW 'IN REAL LIFE'? all of them (3) 6. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? essi 7. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? (2) dogs, (3) cats, (a) fish. 8. WHAT'S YOUR DAD AND MOM'S MIDDLE NAME? edward and lynne, guess who's is who's 9. MOST RECENT MOVIE THAT YOU WATCHED? i cant remember what i just watched...god thats gonna bother me all day...in good company!!ha! 10. NAME 3 THINGS THAT YOU HAVE ON YOU AT ALL TIME? purse, phone, debigt card 11. WHAT'S THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEETS? red 12. WOULD YOU RATHER GIVE OR RECEIVE A FOOT MASSAGE? recieve, but i dont mind giving 13. NAME A TEACHER YOU HAD THE HOTS FOR! WANAGIL! 14. HOW MUCH CASH DO YOU HAVE ON YOU RIGHT NOW? 0000000.00 15. WHO IS THE 4TH PERSON ON YOUR "RECEIVED CALL" LIST? how should i know, probably sarah 16. WHAT'S YOUR MAIN RINGTONE ON YOUR PHONE? rocky road 17. WHAT WERE YOU D0ING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT? hanging at mikes or eating at dennys, cant remember what time it was 18. How many people on your LJ are ex's? none 19. What is your favorite part of the chicken? not a big fan of chicken 21. What's your favorite city? uhhh what an odd question. i guess satellite beach is a lovely city, all my friends are here 22. I can't wait to....? spend the next few days at matts family-less home 23. When was the last time you saw your mom in person? a few minutes ago. blah bitch 24. Whats the best insult you've ever heard or said? oh god there were so many good ones at dennys last night lol 25. Who got you to join LJ? dont remember 26. What did you have for dinner LAST NIGHT? a bite of nasty chicken, chewy corn on the cob, and a few green beans. ugh 27. How long have you been at your current job? a little over two years 28. How many friends on LJ do you have? 3 29. What's the last thing you said outloud? "yeah" 30. Look to your left. k 31. What is the last thing/person you spent over $100 on? matt 32. Who's your favorite villain? your mom is pretty evil 33. Whats the last piece of clothing you borrowed from someone? angie's travis sweater 34. I really wish I drove a.....? mini cooper 35. What website(s) do you visit the most during the day? myspace, lj 36. Go into your text message log on your phone...what does the last message say? dont have texting 37. Do you have an air freshener in your car? yeah but it gives me a headache so i locked it in the glove compartment to punish it 38. Do you have plants in your room? i did, his name of paco or something, a cute little cactus. we had a fling for a little while but it got ackward when i started dating andrew. maybe andrew killed paco!!! 39. If you could drink anything right this second, what would be? water 40. Last piece of e-mail opened? a forward from aunt stacy 41. Does anything on your body hurt right now? my neck, im sitting at an odd angle reading this 42. What city was your last taxi cab ride in? never been in a taxi 43. Last alcoholic beverage? sip of mich ultra last night 44. If someone you hated died, would you laugh and spit on their grave? no. 45. Do you own a camera phone? no. 46. What's your bf/gf birthday? sept 11 47. What's your favorite Starbucks drink? cafe mocha 48. Do you exercise as much as you should? well no of course not 49. Did you do the deed on prom night? yeah 50. Would you give your bf/gf a second chance if they cheated on you? depends. but for the sake of him maybe reading this, NO 51. where were you last year for Christmas? kudjo key 52. When's your birthday? sept 18, thanks for caring 53. Recent time you were really upset? mad at matt about 10 min ago 54. Any ideas for your new years resolution? getting a tattoo is the only thing on my list 55. Admit something about yourself: i am incredibly selffish Current Mood: lonely (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 17th, 2005
4:51 pm	i am broke have a merry xmas (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 15th, 2005
2:52 pm	i changed my mind i cant even begin to explain the mood im in right now. how am i supposed to react to being told i cant go to the only school i want to be at. i guess i could just pick one of the many school that my friends are at and finish my general ed. but i might as well live at home and go to bcc. but i really dont want to be here next year. there wont be any reason to be here. matt will be in tampa and hes the only reason i keep coming home. i'm just so fucked up about it right now that every once in a while i'll just randomly start crying and thinking about how my life was just fucked around with so easily. about how my life just lost an extra year to school. i wish my boss would call me so i could show my parents that i have some money. or atleast buy them xmas presents. i hate my geology professor. he can go fuck himself as hes diving off a cliff (as im sure there are several in tallahassee). oh whatever. i just wanna see my friends. tonight im meeting a bunch of angies friends. but i just varnished a painting and im not feeling so hot right now. we'll see i guess. Current Mood: annoyed (Comment on this)
Monday, December 12th, 2005
9:47 pm	jazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz im sitting at the sun shoppe right now. i wonder if the girls behind me are reading this. i would be. anyways. matts here writing a paper. im kinda bored oh well. peace. (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 10th, 2005
4:35 pm	i am so done so my dad told me i may not be able to go to fsu next year because of how expensive it is. ive already planned out my whole "academic map" thingy. the next three and a half years are all spelled out for me. for fashion and merchandising. last week i would have been excited to be pulled out of school. now im just upset about it. theres no other school for me. except the speciality school and theyre tuitions are five times fsu's tuition. so what do i do? im terrified. on another note im watching a wedding show and its cheering me up quite a bit. i love weddings. maybe i should go to school to be a wedding planner. hahaha. like i could stand that kind of stress. for someone else's party. i am way to self centered for that crap. i'll just stick to the lawn mowing business. am i to understand that shaw is joining us? thats a lot of bikinis that i have to design. :) im so glad im home and matts coming up to school with me for my last final. im just happy despite everything. im just happy to be here. Current Mood: naughty (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 7th, 2005
9:26 pm	what the fuck is hydrology tried to study for my geology final tomorrow. its not working that well. i have all my notes copied twice but i just cant bring myself to read over them yet. we'll see how that works out. i'm terrified of the outcome of this test. i have some money! but gas prices went up again. about 10 cents!!! bullshit. so i cant buy any yet. i have alittle less than 1/2 a tank so i should be good till next wednesday i hope. i bought my fish some food today. i feel a lot better now. once i get this awful test behind me i'll be able to smile again :) yey. talked to ralph a lot today. that made me happy. i wish i knew where matt was. oh well. i go home soon :) 6 days, 19 hours, 25 minutes and 42 seconds. exciting! Current Mood: anxious (Comment on this)